It’s evening as I navigate my long way home. I’m looking almost catatonic, I glance up at my reflection occasionally, almost to verify it is me, the culprit of these disturbing thoughts. I am very aware of my surroundings, even as I slip heavy into thought. Man, I stare back at my life, better yet my wreckage, and I’m aghast. It’s nothing more than a long copious wake of heart wrenching desperation, dismantlement, and unfulfilled promises. The wall of this aftermath is painted with the painful backwash of deceit and utter decimation. The ugly wake is a sea of human ash and pain, parted by the unforgiving breath of knavery and death.
I always believed upon judgment day, when the scores were accounted for, I would find redemption in my bleeding heart. I sincerely conceived myself that when the shit hit the fan I would choose good, if only God was to know, I chose good. However, I stare at the agonizing aftermath of all I ruined, and I’m not certain. Maybe I am not a good man, did Hitler realize he was an asshole? Or did he also stomp through life thinking his positive trumped his negative? This scares me..
Sorry is vacuous when applied to anything of which truth convicts me, promises are equally devalued. Maybe I never stood for anything, quite possibly there is no line I can’t justify crossing. Suddenly despair swells and psychically overwhelms me, my God how can I reverse this tragedy?
GIVE…. I will not stop giving. Give, not to redeem my ticket to heaven, I might never be exempted from this disaster. I was a proprietor of misery, addicted to disruption. All I can do now is give, from this second till death, I wont wait for the next opportunity, I will create it. I will stop writing now to tell someone how special they are (time elapsed)
I did it, now you do it, because after all Stalin probably believed he was on the right side of history? (Well with the progressives in the White House he just might be) Don’t rely on the end of the day to be acquitted of all that was outweighed by your good. It might not come. Please live in the moment, knowing you’ve just given all you could until you give again. God Bless..